Quality Time Trumps Quantity Time
Between work, school, and extra-curricular activities, not to mention weekends that are over before you can exhale, how much quality time do you really get to spend with your children?
I once had a 3-year old boy in my class who always seemed so exhausted, and so I asked his mother if he was having trouble sleeping. She admitted to me that he would only go to bed around 11 PM so that her husband can spend time with him when he gets home late from work. You can’t deny their good intentions and I couldn’t help but sympathize with their situation. Eventually, however, they were able to recognize that they were doing their child a disservice.
There may not always be a simple solution to every problem, but there is usually an alternative.
I recommend that when you do find time to be with your child – no matter how brief – set aside some time to power down. Literally. Pretend there’s a power outage! No electricity = no electronics. Of course, computers and iPads can be great tools for learning, but with children under 6, try to sit with them and guide the experience instead of using the device to “keep them busy.” In this way, you can encourage exploration and answer questions together, whether you are watching videos, researching topics, or playing educational games.
When you do decide to turn off that power button, here are some ideas that you can keep up your sleeve:
- Read a book. Reading together does not need to be restricted to bedtime. Another way to encourage literacy in children is to model reading – sit with a newspaper, magazine, or book and just read it. To yourself. In silence. If your child is vying for your attention, you can invite him/her to choose a book or other activity and read or play next to you. Try to keep half of your attention on your page and the other half alert and ready to answer questions or encourage discussion about whatever your child is reading or doing. This will help them develop independence, and it also shows them that you can do your own thing and still be present.
- Turn chores into activities. Young children yearn for purposeful activity, and there are infinite possibilities in this area: your child can help set the dinner table, wash the dishes, fold the laundry, sweep the floor, tidy up toys – you’d be surprised at how much young children enjoy carrying out real-world, adult tasks. First show them how it’s done, then stand back and watch their concentration develop, not to mention the pride that comes from a job well done! When you give your child responsibilities starting at a very young age, you are sending the message that you value your child and that he/she is an important member of the family.
- Prepare meals and eat together. Young children typically love to help out in the kitchen, and when they do you can delegate tasks according to their abilities (e.g., very young children can peel or cut soft vegetables, measure out quantities in a recipe, stir the pot, etc.). It always helps to provide them with appropriate tools such as a child-sized apron and safe kitchen utensils, and you can even set up a work station on a low table relative to their size. When you give children “power” in the kitchen they can develop a sense of purpose, which also contributes to the fact that they love to eat what they make! It also gives you the opportunity to teach your child about proper nutrition, which they will carry with them into adulthood.
Eating meals together is not only a great time to enjoy proper conversations; it can also be a good opportunity to just be. No pressure here. You don’t have to sit for an hour, and it doesn’t have to happen seven nights a week. If you can find two or three nights to eat together (sans electronics) you and your family can enhance your communication skills and develop consistency in your routines. Whether you have to work around a tight schedule or not, it is also a good idea to designate special nights (e.g., Taco Tuesdays or Make-your-own-pizza night), which children will look forward to and remember for years to come! Remember that when you encourage family time from a young age, it is more likely that your teen will want to sit and chat with you when they’re older.
At the end of the day, quality time spent with your child trumps quantity of time, no matter what your circumstance.
Written by: Laura Newman, M.Ed. for The Early Years
Laura holds a Master of Education in developmental psychology, and she is also a Montessori educator and early childhood education advocate. She specializes in working with children between the ages of 3 and 6.
