Four Positive Parenting Tools
4 positive parenting tools: that invite co-operation and tell a child “I believe in you, and you can do this!”
- Focus on the positive, focus on the improvements, “catch them doing good” . Children enjoy attention and will seek it whether negative or positive. We want to change the kind of attention he/she receives from “conflict to peace”. It is catching them in the everyday moments- the small stuff!
Set up opportunities for success. Eg: If you know your child loses it after 30 minutes in a grocery store, go somewhere and get in and out in 20. Focus on assets. Build on their interests and encourage any attempt no matter how small!
- Set realistic goals for your children. Expecting a child to clean up the whole playroom will not ensure success. It is okay to come alongside her and do it together. A 2-year-old will respond well to a simple request like this one: “Can you come down by yourself or do you need help?” Children enter into different stages of development. We want to understand their developmental needs and their limitations. We want to have empathy, understand a child’s frustration or any other emotion. This does not mean we rescue them; it means we understand them.
- VALIDATE: When we validate children, it removes 50% of their angst. Someone understands, they are on their team. “I know you want me to stay in your bed, cuddling is great…it is bedtime”. “I know you want another ice cream, ice cream is so delicious, let’s look forward to one again another day”. “You really want that toy right now, it’s a fabulous toy but he was playing with it. You can have a turn when he’s finished”. *Keep in mind that it is normal and okay if your child expresses anger, you still need to set the limit. Allow them to get through the anger as long as they are not hurting themselves or anyone, or damaging property.
- Arousing Empathy: Showing a child how their behavior has an impact on the world around them is a powerful tool. You will be teaching them about their own abilities to make a difference! “Look at his arm, it is red where you hit him and see his face, he’s crying. That hurt him”. “Look at my face, I am so happy that you are dressed and ready for school, I can have lots of energy for work today!
Finally, let me leave you with this: Parenting is an investment. There are no magical solutions or trickery. There is however an answer for everything and no problem so great we cannot fix. Every moment, every behavior is an opportunity to teach. There is always good news! Thanks for joining me once again and happy weekend! Sharyn
