Celebrating Cousins

Have you ever thought about a cousin who has helped shape your life in some way? Do you have fond memories of playing together? Remember the days when your relatives came visiting with cousins in tow and suddenly the day shaped up to be more exciting? It was like having an instant day camp in your home!

I always thought that my cousins had better toys than I did and so visiting them was as satisfying as a trip to the toy store, even if I didn’t get to bring anything home. A visit to my cousins meant new adventures, playing in ways I didn’t do at home. Like spending endless hours creating a “show”, something we could then present to the adult audience- our aunts and uncles.

My cousins had a beautiful bannister that was so much fun to slide down. We didn’t have a bannister like that and if we did I am sure the rule in our house would be no sliding down the bannister!

Is there a significant one who has achieved sibling status? The one that you stayed close to through all the significant “firsts” in life, who has seen you at your best and worst moments and still admires you anyway?

We read plenty of articles offering insight and advice about siblings, birth order, one child families, blended families and broken ones too. When was the last time you read about the value of having a cousin?

Some of the people I grew up with weren’t actually cousins by birth but were called cousins simply because of their important place within our family. This was completely acceptable and looking back, I would not trade them for anything.

Why cousins make a difference in your children’s lives:

• Cousins extend your family. We all want to know our children have as much support and love as possible and cousins offer that, sometimes in many different places in the world. When my eldest was traveling to the Arctic, he drove there from Montreal. My cousin in Edmonton was a much needed stop along the way. How relieved I was to know he would have a hot shower and a steak! They enjoyed each other so much he stayed an extra day.
• Cousins bring in another dynamic of social play. Children are exposed to the importance of co-operation and acceptance within a larger variety of ages. There are new challenges as everyone grows and the dynamics of personalities come into play. These are valuable hands on learning experiences. We have a tendency to be on top of how our children are playing or socializing. While we do want to be available, it is also of great value to allow children to work things through. Some of my best growing years came from the hours we were left to play in the “extension room” of our house in the Laurentians. Today we still refer to it as “the back room”.
• Cousins make family gatherings so much more fun and interesting. As a child my holiday memories are irreplaceable. Today we are making memories for our own children through every holiday and event. Think about the people you may be inviting over during this season or any other and if you have included cousins for your children. Go for it, you won’t be sorry and your children will thank you one day!
• Cousins can bring siblings closer together. If you have a big age difference like I do (my sister and I are 7 years apart) children close that gap easily. My children and their cousins have given my sister and I endless years of memories together.
• Cousins experience a lot of the same losses that you do. So if a Grandma gets sick or passes away, you can share this grief with a cousin. Again, children’s support system is increased.
• Cousins give you something to look forward to. There is something very special about attending a wedding when you are surrounded by relatives. Dancing with cousins is definitely an advantage. You can be silly and they will laugh along with you.
• Cousins are like first best friends. They know your food preferences; share the same joy for Grandma’s chocolate cake or Bubby’s chicken soup. They have details about your life and your other relatives that no one else is privy to.

If your child is a cousin, let them know that they can feel really good about that. Teach them about that title and the privileges and responsibilities of a cousin. Share your own cousin stories with them and role model so that they can be proud to be somebody’s cousin.

I am so glad that I am a cousin. Recently my cousin Heather and her family came to stay with us for a few days. In the time we had together, we retold many stories, sometimes more than once, shared our passions, our beliefs, our businesses, our children and most of all ourselves. No conditions, no judgements attached. Just pure joy in being with someone who understands you, who knows where you have been, what you have accomplished and is 100% invested in who you are today.