Time Out! Discipline without Punishment.

Time Out: Two little words that pack a powerful punch!

When I ask parents to say one word that comes to mind about time-out, I will often hear: discipline, punishment, the corner, bad behaviour.

It has grown a negative meaning over the years but simply means “a break, rest or a chance to stop”. Over the years it has become overused. Too often when we are not happy with a child’s behavior we simply give them a time-out. We might even tell them to think about what they have done. This is not effective, doesn’t teach and therefore no long lasting results.

**The only thing a child will think about is when they can get back to what they were doing before. We want to take advantage of wrong behavior by using it as a time to teach. I like to call them “Teachable moments.”

When does it work? When a child is not able to stop their body or the words they are using continue and you want them to stop, then we need to allow them to “rest”, have a time-out where they can just “breathe”.

Three things we are accomplishing:

1. Setting a limit, boundaries help children to feel safe. So you are moving in and not allowing the wrong behaviour.
2. Giving the message that they are having a tough time but you have a great solution- time to breathe, connect with their bodies and get ready to stop hitting, kicking throwing etc… whatever the behaviour is.
3. You are using positive discipline, a consequence that teaches and does not shame and one that “matches the crime”.

A frustrating situation for Mom and Dad becomes a great opportunity to help children how to think and not what to think.

What power you give to children when you allow them to experience the difference between a good decision and a bad decision. Remember there is always good news! They get to try againJ

Here’s what one Mom had to say from last week’s most recent workshop on temper tantrums:

Hi Sharyn,
I just wanted to let you know that we’ve already started to use some of the advice you gave during the workshop. We say things like “when your hands are ready to stop hitting…”  and we stopped putting her in a corner for timeouts (we sit her on a small step stool instead)

But the big change for us is that we don’t enforce the 2 minute timeout anymore. We just tell her that when she is ready to stop doing ______, she can come see us. She usually comes back 10-20 seconds later and we ask if she will stop. If the answer is yes, she is allowed to move on. If the answer is no, we send her back in timeout. So far, we haven’t had to do it more than twice. The greatest thing is that I have completely stopped “fighting” with her to keep her in timeout. I never realized how demanding that was. I feel relieved knowing that as long as the bad behaviour stops, we have reached our goal and there is no need to get her all upset sitting in a corner.

I’ll let you know if/when I see major improvement in other areas, but just the timeout advice was totally worth my $30! Super Nanny has got it all wrong… 😉

Thank you,

Julie Durand