TAMING THE TEMPER TANTRUMS
I am committed to helping you turn the chaos into calm… You are not alone and there are solutions.
From confusion …
You are in the supermarket. You are at the doctor’s office or you’ve just arrived at the grandparents for a large family dinner. Perhaps you are simply preparing to head out the door for daycare. No matter where you might be and for no apparent reason, your child has just begun a temper tantrum. Embarrassment and frustration are welling up inside you. It seems that your child is not the only one who is losing control. You just want to run out of the room or put a paper bag over your head so that no one can see the oncoming tantrum beginning in your own head.
When children are in “tantrum mode”, they are definitely out of control. This is not something they planned. Tantrums are not enjoyment times, and because of the high level of emotion, they cannot hear you.
Here are 2 important points to consider when your child has a temper tantrum:
- If you give in to your child’s demands while they are having a tantrum you will have taught them that they need to scream to get their needs met.
- If during the tantrum you remain calm; if you are there to support but not “cave” in, then these tantrums will become less frequent.
Does this sound familiar?
You are in the toy store and your child wants new lego. She may continue to badger you for several minutes. You say “no” once, twice, then again a third time and your voice begins to change. Your tone is more firm and you are beginning to feel exasperated. In response, your child begins raising her voice, attempting to match the level of yours. She then begins to cry. We’ve all been there! So what happens next?
… to confidence.
Let’s take confusion and chaos to a confident level of control.
- Define for yourself what you want to have happen. She must know what to expect from you. Clearly state that “Today is not a buying day.”
- Always discipline yourself first. Take several deep breaths before you begin to speak. Make yourself as calm as you would want your child to be. When he/she is experiencing a difficult emotion, they need to feel your calmness, your peace. This is where their safety comes from.
- Empathize with them and validate them: “I know you want that lego, it’s fabulous. You have a birthday coming up soon…” or, “I know you are very angry, and I know you really want that cookie. Wouldn’t it be great if we could have all the cookies in the world? But we need to take care of our bodies”.
- Remain calm knowing that tantrums are normal ways that children communicate: They are saying, “I want the world to go my way!!!” Tantrums can also feed off the energy and attention we give them.
If you try to avoid anything that makes your child unhappy then you are depriving them of opportunities to learn.
There is a “Treasure Chest of Tools” available to help you with your child’s tantrums at any age and I mean any age!
Book an individual consultation in the comfort of your home or attend a temper tantrum workshop in your area and I will give you some simple tools that you can use when temper tantrums arise.
